I am one of those adult children that has taken on the responsibility of an aging parent. I moved my Mom to Texas 3 years ago because I felt like she needed a little more help when it came to things like medical follow up and finances.
She took a chance moving 1000 miles away from the only place she’s ever called home (Dayton, Ohio). Either she was up for the adventure or she decided maybe she really did need a little extra help…she agreed to the move.
I’m not sure what I thought would happen. Mom and I have always butted heads. I think in some ways we are too much alike and in some ways we are as different as two people can be. But I had this fantasy that we would finally have that mother daughter relationship we had been lacking all those years.
Come to find out we just have a relationship. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good, but we have a relationship.
I read so many posts today from people talking about what a perfect mother they have or had. How inspiring, how loving, how great….how wonderful.
Please don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and I tell her every time I talk to her that I love her….but we have struggled. We have struggled to understand each other’s point of view, each other’s feelings and each other’s stubbornness. Fortunately we have learned to let go of our hurt feelings and frustrations before time has a chance to pass. We’ve learned that besides my brother…we are all that’s left of our immediate family and no matter how frustrated we may get with each other…we are stuck with each other.
Maybe this is my Mother’s Day reality post. Maybe this is the post that other people will read and say…”oh good I’m not alone.” Then again maybe this is the post that will cause people to say…Oh my, I knew Tree had an evil side…she doesn’t get along with her mom.” But the reality is I am thankful for my mom, she gave me life, she protected me and cared for me. I’m sure it is through her that I found my love for diversity, art and animals. But I also know my Mom and I do not have that magical mother daughter relationship….that I have witnessed between other mothers and daughters.
But I think that is ok. I think Mom and I will continue being this unusual sometimes awkward pair of people that find themselves walking through the house of mirrors one minute and the next minute they are screaming down the big roller coaster hill.
Happy Mother’s Day to each of you….may you appreciate the relationship you have with your mom….whether it be represented by the rose or by the thorny stem….
You can’t choose family, like your friends! That’s what I say. The fact that you 2 still are connected and caring for each other is what family does. 😁
I believe you are right….just because we struggle we don’t dump each other!
Great post – and you are not the only evil one…lol. I am also not one you will find discussing the perfect mother’s day. I love my mom, and we do have a good relationship, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. And as a mom myself, my relationship with my own adult children isn’t all unicorns and rainbows either. But like you said – it’s still a relationship, and we love each other. It may not be Norman Rockefeller, but it’s still our family.
Oh my gosh…I meant NORMAN ROCKWELL! Dying!!
Thanks Sue for commenting. i guess half the battle is learning to be ok with the relationships we do have and not try to make them something they aren’t.
But I still dream of unicorns and rainbows!! Well maybe not for a family relationship but who doesn’t like unicorns!!
Tree, I think you described most people’s real life relationship with their mom – it’s a roller coaster ride. Those moments of smooth effortless sailing are beautiful, but also fleeting and sometimes far between.
I loved your sentence “awkward pair of people that find themselves walking through the house of mirrors one minute and the next minute they are screaming down the big roller coaster hill”.
Thank you Joanne. I appreciate thoughts and comment. It is nice to hear others experience a bit of roller coaster crazy!