Tag Archives: service

I Feel Guilty That I Have a Choice

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Earlier today a small group of us went out and served the homeless. It was hot!
In case you don’t know we are in Texas. The temperature right now is reaching at least the mid to high 90’s every day.
I honestly don’t know what the high was today…I just know it was hot.

We went to a number of our normal stops and gave away a lot of drinks, snacks, toilet paper, books and a few socks. After a few hours…we had given away most of the food. Only a few snacks left. The last place to stop was in the heart of the homeless area and I just didn’t feel we had enough. I hate to start handing out stuff then run out. So we called it a day.

Our group got back in our air conditioned cars and chatted on our cell phones and decided where we would go eat lunch.
We sat in an air conditioned restaurant and ate food that was served to us and drank unlimited amounts of cold beverage.

My guilt boiled up when we packed up and drove away from the people who did not have a choice. I was hot, sweaty and uncomfortable. I wanted to take a cool shower and put on clean clothes. The people sitting along the street, trying to stay in the shade, they didn’t have a choice.

I know for many of them it was a string of bad choices that helped them end up on the street. I know I could also end up on the street. But for this moment this is where they are and where I am…and today I felt guilty for having the opportunity to walk away.

Lost Soul

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I could see him sitting against the building, about a block away. He was flicking both hands repeatedly. It was difficult to tell where one body part started and one ended because of the dirt that caked his clothes, face and hair.

We were passing out food bags to individuals living on the streets. Usually when we park our cars and begin passing out food, word spreads quickly and people come from all directions. This young man didn’t budge. He just sat, against the building, flicking his hands.

I’ve seen repetitive behavior like this before, sometimes from people that have been institutionalized, sometimes from people with intellectual disabilities (especially autism) and sometimes from people with mental health disorders.

I grabbed a bag of food, 2 small bottles of water and asked my friend Corey to walk with me. As we moved closer I mentioned to Corey the unpredictable behavior we could encounter. But I felt a need to try.
I began speaking to him before we got too close. I wanted to make sure he knew we meant no harm and I wanted to gauge his possible reaction to us.

I asked him if he needed something to eat.

He looked at me with kindness in his face, “Yes ma’am.”

I wanted to talk to him, but I was uncertain of his mental status.“Here is a bag of food and some water.”
“Thank you.” He accepted the food politely.

As I walked away from him I tried to wrap my head around the emotions I felt. He looked young, yet worn and old. He looked kind, yet on the edge of uncertainty. He looked like someone’s son, yet a lost soul walking among strangers.