Author Archives: treerabold

Mother’s Day

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Mother's Day

Me and My Mom

Mother’s Day….

I am one of those adult children that has taken on the responsibility of an aging parent. I moved my Mom to Texas 3 years ago because I felt like she needed a little more help when it came to things like medical follow up and finances.
She took a chance moving 1000 miles away from the only place she’s ever called home (Dayton, Ohio). Either she was up for the adventure or she decided maybe she really did need a little extra help…she agreed to the move.

I’m not sure what I thought would happen. Mom and I have always butted heads. I think in some ways we are too much alike and in some ways we are as different as two people can be. But I had this fantasy that we would finally have that mother daughter relationship we had been lacking all those years.
Come to find out we just have a relationship. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good, but we have a relationship.
I read so many posts today from people talking about what a perfect mother they have or had. How inspiring, how loving, how great….how wonderful.

Please don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and I tell her every time I talk to her that I love her….but we have struggled. We have struggled to understand each other’s point of view, each other’s feelings and each other’s stubbornness. Fortunately we have learned to let go of our hurt feelings and frustrations before time has a chance to pass. We’ve learned that besides my brother…we are all that’s left of our immediate family and no matter how frustrated we may get with each other…we are stuck with each other.

Maybe this is my Mother’s Day reality post. Maybe this is the post that other people will read and say…”oh good I’m not alone.” Then again maybe this is the post that will cause people to say…Oh my, I knew Tree had an evil side…she doesn’t get along with her mom.” But the reality is I am thankful for my mom, she gave me life, she protected me and cared for me. I’m sure it is through her that I found my love for diversity, art and animals. But I also know my Mom and I do not have that magical mother daughter relationship….that I have witnessed between other mothers and daughters.

But I think that is ok. I think Mom and I will continue being this unusual sometimes awkward pair of people that find themselves walking through the house of mirrors one minute and the next minute they are screaming down the big roller coaster hill.

Happy Mother’s Day to each of you….may you appreciate the relationship you have with your mom….whether it be represented by the rose or by the thorny stem….

No More Paper Towels…

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I have a bathroom story to tell that has nothing to do with gender or state laws. I was spending some quality time in one of the two stalls when I heard the person that had been in the stall beside me wash her hands (I am always disturbed if I realize someone left the restroom without washing her hands – but I digress.)

The woman pulled a paper towel from the dispenser then allowed a curse word to slip from her mouth. I realized she must have gotten the tail end of the roll and apparently it wasn’t enough to dry her hands.

At that moment I realized how little I care about stuff like that.
No paper towels? I’ll dry my hands on my jeans.
I have on dress pants? I’ll shake them dry.
The thing I found a bit humorous….there was a blowdryer she never bothered to use.

Anyway….my point is, why get upset over something as petty as paper towels? I’m not saying I don’t get frustrated over some pretty silly things, because I do. But I try to recognize there are so many people in this world suffering from horrible diseases, hunger, war, bullying….I think I can dry my hands on my pants.

Gay History

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This evening I had the opportunity to hear stories from people that lived through a time of fear, humiliation and discrimination in American history. The people sharing their stories are part of the LGBTQ community and lived during the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s.

These women were professionals that constantly feared for their jobs.
The only place for many gays to socialize during that era were bars. But the bars were not safe. The local newspaper would list license plate numbers of the cars parked near a gay bar. The women tonight also spoke of the raids that would occur at the bars. People could be arrested for dancing if the bar didn’t have a “dancing permit.” If the police walked in and all the people at one table were the same gender they could be arrested. They could also be arrested for vagrancy if they didn’t have cash in their pocket.

The most horrifying story I heard was about a building that housed a Metropolitan Community Church downstairs and a gay bar upstairs. Sunday after church the members gathered upstairs in the bar for a covered-dish luncheon. The building was torched and everyone attending died in the fire.

Many brave men and women have lived through dangerous and frightful times.
Last summer the United States Supreme Court handed down a motion giving individuals in the LGBTQ community the right to marry.
We have come a long way from the era discussed tonight but the dance of two steps forward one step back continues.

Today we are fighting to use public bathrooms in peace, without judgement. Today there are still pastors preaching hatred of gays from the pulpit. Today people are still bullied for being different. But thanks to the drag queens that fought back at Stonewall, the individuals brave enough to walk in the early pride parades and the community that took care of itself during the AIDS crisis when everyone else turned their backs, we are better off.
I am grateful for those that blazed the trail, those that stood up for their friends that shivered in the closet and those that fought back against the hate.

A Better Ride…

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Saturday I whined about a frustrating bike ride.

Every Tuesday I do a group ride with people from our local bike shop. Today I almost had myself talked out of riding. I had some serious negative self talk running through my head all day. “I won’t be able to keep up. How am I ever going to ride 100 miles next month? Maybe I’m not strong enough.”

I find it interesting (and frustrating) that I can allow negative thoughts to suffocate the positive ones. The good news is I did not allow the negative thoughts to win. I’ve learned over the years no matter how convinced I am that I am unable to do something…if I persevere it will be ok and I will succeed.

Today I succeeded. I chose the shorter intermediate ride (with ride to and from the shop it equalled 20 miles). I knew it would be helpful to get a good strong ride under my belt (or riding shorts). And I was right. I felt strong and confident in my riding today. This will squash the negative brain waves and increase the positive ones.

I’m sure there are plenty of therapists that would have a field day analyzing my childhood and making  a judgement on where the crazy negativity comes from…however, I’ve decided rather than spend money on therapy I’ll spend money on biking and choose to be grateful for the courage to ride another day.

Life Lessons…

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As we were loading up the cars, after serving the homeless, I noticed one of my old clients walking toward me. Some of you may remember him (Some People Can’t Be Fixed) from a post I wrote in February. I said hi to him and called him by name. He looked at me….you know that look when you see someone that is not in the place you expect to see them?

Example: You see Marge everyday at the gym. The two of you chat pleasantries about your grandchildren. Then one day you see Marge at the local Starbuck’s, she is not wearing gym clothes and you have absolutely no idea why she is speaking to you and acting as though she knows you. You continue with the conversation because obviously she knows you and you don’t want to be rude. Several sentences in she mentions the gym….oh yeah it’s Marge! Well, that’s the look he gave me.

After we passed each other I turned to see which direction he headed and realized he had stopped and turned back to look at me. Now he looked angry. As you may recall we did not part on the best of terms. My immediate thought was, load up the teenagers and drive away. Fortunately the kids were already in the car waiting for me.

Another incident happened earlier in the day that involved a homeless man threatening another homeless man right in the middle of our set up of volunteers. Though I never felt the kids were in danger I knew several of them were shaken by the incident. When we returned to the church the kid’s parents were there to pick them up…no time to debrief.

Both incidents have been on my mind quite a bit today. Especially running into my former client. I thought about what would have happened if he walked through earlier. He has been known to call me and my co-workers some pretty colorful names. One of the most colorful was when he yelled across our parking lot that I was a “C*ck s*cking lesbian whore. If you feel the first word and the third word don’t fit together than you filled in the blank correctly on the first word. Anyway, I wondered if he would have said anything, spewed hate in my direction or simply accepted the food we were there to share.

I don’t like sharing the scary or gritty parts of serving those living on the streets. I think a lot of people only see the negative when they think about the homeless so I don’t want to add fuel to their fire. But I have also found it is important to share the things weighing on my mind. Sometimes there is a nugget tucked away in my rambling sentences that speaks to someone. Sometimes I find my own nugget within my own ramblings. Sometimes this is how I figure out where the gratitude is.

So this Sunday when I see the kids again I plan to talk about both of these issues (i won’t mention the names I’ve been called…it is a church group!). I’m still not totally sure what my approach will be but I do know there are important lessons tucked between the lines.
I feel strongly that real life lessons are important and I believe seeing that good can still come from bad is truly real life. I am grateful I will have the opportunity to talk through the many lessons the kids and I experienced together.

Serving the Homeless

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“Rain falls in every life.” Our Pastor said this during her sermon this morning. It was certainly a phrase I wanted to remember but at the time I wasn’t sure why.

After the service we loaded up our cars, gathered the youth group, adult volunteers and friends and headed out to serve the homeless.

I couldn’t help but question throughout the day, why it rains harder on some people than others. During our trip i spoke with the kids about how/why some people end up on the street. We discussed how some people make lifestyle choices that can easily result in homelessness. Other people struggle with mental health issues that make it difficult, if not impossible, to hold a job or maintain a home. I explained that some people simply lose control. There are people that find themselves dodging the raindrops and for awhile they are successful, but eventually the rain comes harder and harder and the individuals simply can’t stay dry. In time they find themselves struggling to stay afloat.

Is the difference how much rain falls on each person or how the water is handled once it falls?

Is it the difference of having family that will help us when a storm comes over the horizon? Is it the professional peers that can guide us like a lighthouse? Or is it the social service agencies that help us gather the supplies we need to stay afloat?

I really don’t know. I don’t know why a tornado goes through a neighborhood and only damages one house.

I do know I am grateful for the opportunity to serve people that are struggling. Most importantly I am grateful for the connections I make while serving others. The men and women I have met during these trips frequently warm my heart, make me smile and give me a reason to share my umbrella.

Rough Ride

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I haven’t taken a ride on my bike for 2 weeks. First a short vacation….then a conference and rain…interrupted my ride time. So this morning I went for a ride. The plan was to hit 50 miles. I came in at 45.5 miles.

This ride wore me out. Somewhere around 20 miles I questioned if I could come close to 50 miles today. My legs felt heavy and exhausted. I was fighting allergies, and my back wasn’t cooperating.

So you might say…what’s the big deal? Well, the big deal is that I am riding my first 100 mile ride on June 4th and I don’t feel ready. My brain is actually in a fight with itself right now. I’m afraid I won’t be ready, yet I know I will do everything possible to be ready.

So here is where the gratitude comes in….I was able to be outside riding today. I was able to spend time doing something I love. I rode with a friend and enjoyed her company. I am fortunate to be able to ride 45.5 miles….even if I felt worn out and fought a headache…I’m still capable of riding 45.5 miles and I know I will conquer the 100 mile ride in June.

So I complained, whined and did a bit of bellyaching….but I know I am a lucky girl and I appreciate this opportunity to express my gratitude.

 

Excuse Me Sir…

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Have you ever been afraid to go to the bathroom?
Weird question huh?

I am uncomfortable going to the bathroom each and every time I use a public facility.

I worry each time I walk into a women’s restroom that someone will look at me with “that” look and tell me I am in the wrong restroom.

I am a masculine woman, I’m tall, I have short hair and I wear masculine clothes…but I am a woman. I have no desire to be a man. I certainly have no desire to use the men’s restroom!

The reason I bring this up is because I’ve heard one too many news reports about yet another state passing a law that will focus on who is allowed to use which restroom.

When did my country become so petty that our local and state governments felt they needed to dictate toilet usage?

I keep hearing….you have to use the bathroom that coincides with your birth certificate. Must we begin carrying our birth certificate?

My gender actually does coincide with my birth certificate….yet I am regularly challenged by other women that assume I don’t know which bathroom to use.

For the most part I can handle myself. I use non-gender specific restrooms, I know every restaurant that has single toilet bathrooms and as my friends will tell you…they are forced to accompany me to the bathroom when out in public.
However, my concern falls to the young men that have realized they are truly female. Please…..please….please….think about how absolutely frightening it would be for a young transgender woman that will be forced to use the mens room. Do we really think she will be safe? Does it matter to the fear-mongers that a transgender woman could be raped? Beaten up? Possibly even killed? I suspect they think she deserves it.

You may be asking how this fits into a year of gratitude. I guess if I were you I would be asking the same question. The reality is, the people who are passing these laws are in the minority. I believe most people are educated and socially aware enough to realize the fears we are being fed are ridiculous.
It is you, the people reading this. The people that choose not to judge others. The people that understand not everyone fits the typical male/female role. It’s you that I am thankful for. You are appreciated by me and every other person that needs to know there are people in this country and in this world that are not afraid of our differences and even embrace our uniqueness. Thank you….i am grateful for you.