Author Archives: treerabold

4:30A.M…..

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boot camp

Yep that’s me…the tall one in the back row.

Several things happened today that brought to mind thankfulness. Its amazing how much more observant I can be when I have a reason to be focused.

What I’ve decided to share tonight is my amazingly early workout this morning. I joined a boot camp group, at the invitation of a friend, at 4:30AM.

I actually love early morning workouts. I enjoy the energy I feel after getting up early and pushing myself to the point of noodle arms!

What I hate is waking up early!
I frequently try to get up early for workouts but I’ve learned if someone isn’t waiting for me at a predetermined location…I will never roll out of bed.

I am grateful that my friend invited me to join her this morning and I’m also thankful that I am able to exercise. I know so many people that are fighting disease, disability and/or other mental or physical challenges that I realize I am fortunate to have the physical ability to be active.

So guess what I have decided to do 3 days a week? Yep! I’m going to be working out at 4:30AM.

Am I crazy…yep! But I’m also excited about this new adventure and grateful for the opportunity!

Chelsea…

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Chelsea

Chelsea

You know those memories Facebook puts on our pages? I woke up this morning to a picture of my Pomeranian Chelsea. I had to help her cross the rainbow bridge 2 years ago. A few months before she died I took her to get her annual bluebonnet picture….this is the memory Facebook shared.

Throughout today I thought of Chelsea and the joy she brought to so many people. She went to work with me regularly. She sat through meetings, she comforted clients and melted the hardest of hearts. She lived to be 18 years old. I was fortunate enough to spend the last 10 years of her life being her person.

I love dogs and believe they are one of the finest creatures to walk this earth. Each dog I’ve had the pleasure of sharing my home with displayed their own uniqueness….their own personality.
But there was something about Chelsea that went above and beyond being a “good dog.” She appeared to anticipate my every move and mood. She was a camera hog that usually knew someone turned on their camera before the humans in the room had any idea. She also had a sixth sense when it came to people with disabilities and made sure they got her undivided attention.

I will continue to have dogs, I will continue to stop and pet any dog within reach and I will continue to wish I could save every stray I hear about. But no matter what, I will never forget Chelsea, and I will always be grateful that I got to be her person.

And no matter how difficult it was, I am grateful I was there to hold her when she crossed the rainbow bridge.

A Year of Gratitude…

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Snoopy and Charlie Brown

Today I turned 53 years old. On July 16, 1992 my Dad died at the age of 53.
I have worried about dying young for many years. Fortunately, I took several healthy steps back in my early 40’s in an effort to beat the odds. Unfortunately, as this 53rd birthday has approached I’ve found myself worrying more about following in my father’s footsteps.

A few days ago I had an epiphany! I’ve always considered myself an optimistic person…Why am I seeing nothing but the negative in this situation?

Four years ago I committed to 365 days of thankfulness. That lead to my Facebook page, 365 Days and Counting and a year later my blog, Conversations Around the Tree.

I enjoyed that year of thankfulness and found myself much more focused on my actions and more observant of those around me. For this reason I’ve decided to seek the positive and resume a year of gratitude.

I hope you will join me on this journey of optimism and while I am searching for a nugget of gratitude each day maybe you too will search for something positive to be thankful for.

I have decided to share each post on 365 Days and Counting and Conversations Around the Tree. Some of my friends never made the transition from 365 to Conversations and I’ve met many new and awesome people at Conversations…..so I will post in both places and hope by doing this more people will find a reason to seek gratitude.

 

“Interrupt Anxiety
with Gratitude.”
– Life by Guilia

RIP My Friend…

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I went to a memorial service today for one of my former clients.
I first met “Susan” 6 years ago. I was completing my social work internship at a homeless shelter and she was living in the long term women’s unit.

“Susan” always looked a mess. Her hair never seemed to be brushed and it rarely looked clean. Her clothes were always baggy and frequently stained. But her smile could brighten a room.

When I learned of her passing I was sadden to hear she died alone. Apparently an accident resulted in “Susan” relying on life support. Her family lives in a different state and made the decision to remove the life support. I have no doubt they made the right decision….but it saddens me that no-one made it to her bedside before the plug was pulled.

“Susan” had a difficult life. She suffered with schizophrenia as well as drug and alcohol addiction. She spent time on the streets and in the 6 years I knew her she moved from group home to group home. She rarely stayed anywhere for more than 6 months. The voices that haunted “Susan” were evil and the addictions were relentless but she fought back. As a matter of fact, her memorial service was held at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting space and was ran much like a meeting.

Despite “Susan” dying alone, I learned at her service, she did not live her life alone.
I was not close to Susan, I was her case worker. A case worker is expected to maintain a professional distance. Even though we don’t enjoy a leisurely lunch with our clients we do occasionally run across individuals that steal a chunk of our hearts. To me Susan was one of those people. Every time I visited with Susan she flashed a joyful smile and gave me a bear hug. Sadly, I imagined “Susan” to be somewhat friendless, especially when I heard no one was at the hospital with her. But today I was happy to learn she had friends that cherished her, friends that formed true bonds with her and friends that also would have been at the hospital if given the chance.

Today I was happy to hear people speak of her humor and her love for soda. I nodded when I heard them speak of her challenges in life, and smiled when I heard them speak of her successes. “Susan’s” death silenced the voices in her head but Susan did the necessary work to conquer her additions. Today I was happy to hear that “Susan” won her fight against alcohol and drug abuse….she died one year sober.

RIP my friend….you will be missed.

They’re Gone

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Several months ago I met Curtis and his dog King. They were panhandling at a busy intersection. I stopped and visited with Curtis. Through him I learned about a homeless camp under a local bridge.

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Curtis and King

My friends and I started visiting the camp at least once a month. We delivered food, water, blankets, dog food, clothes, etc. We visited and tried to get to know the men and women living under the bridge.

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Camp

Today I stopped by to drop off some dog food. I made my way down the overgrown path, and realized something seemed different. As I crested the concrete hill I realized the camp was gone. No tents, no mattresses, no make-shift shelters….they were gone. IMG_1441

Over the months I had learned a few names, Rick, Samuel and Chris but little else. Today i realized it is unlikely I will see any of them again. If there was a remote possibility that all of them found jobs, housing and security I would be excited. Sadly I know this isn’t likely. On the far side of the camp I noticed the tree was charred. As I walked closer I realized a large area was charred. fire.jpgAs I tried to process everything I was seeing, or not seeing, I imagine the fire may be what brought the authorities to the camp and what eventually became the demise of the camp family.

I hope some day I will run into some of them. But if I don’t get the chance to see them again…I hope they are well.

 

I Want to be Just Like Norma…

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Once a month I call bingo for a group of “older adults.” Each month we celebrate whoever is having a birthday. This month Norma stood up and told me she recently turned 80, but felt 60. One of the other ladies quickly chimed in that Norma ran a marathon on Saturday.
I walked toward Norma to question her about the marathon. She corrected the other woman and assured me she ran a 5k, not a marathon. Still….she’s 80!

Another woman stood beside Norma and told me she is the same age as Norma, but looks much older. I did not agree with her (that would have been rude!) but she was right. My mom is part of this Senior Citizen group. I often wonder how much longer Mom will be able to live independently because so many things are “wrong” with her. Mom is 4 years younger than Norma.

The more I talked to Norma the more I realized her youth was a result of her attitude. She is determined to stay young and active as long as she can.

I understand many people are unfortunate to acquire crappy genetics and some people have the misfortune of being involved in a physically damaging accident. However, many people, many many people simply choose to be lazy. How many of us reached middle age and found our rear ends attached to the recliner and our hand to the remote?

I was lucky to realize my future would look bleak if I did not make some changes. At the age of 43 I quit smoking and replaced that addiction with the addiction of exercise. Along with exercise came the desire to eat healthier. I will be the first to admit I continue to struggle with food but my new bad is so much better than my old bad.

Next month I will turn 53 (the age my dad died of an unexpected massive heart attack). At the age of 50 my life long friend and I ran a half marathon in celebration of our birthdays. This past Sunday I completed my first sprint triathlon. June 4th I will complete a 100 mile bike ride.

What will I do next? I don’t know but I hope I’m just like Norma when I grow up!

Stay Positive…

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Thank you random stranger for the reminder….

I went for a bike ride today. I took a new route and ended up going farther than I had planned. After conquering several challenging hills I decided to stop at a gas station to buy a Gatorade. As I stood outside filling my water bottle a man walked by and said, “Nice day for a ride.”
I responded, “Yes, if it weren’t for the headwinds.”
He quickly replied, “It’s February!”

I immediately realized he was right. Why in the world was I complaining about some headwinds? The reality was, I was out riding on February 20. Layering was not required, only shorts and a t-shirt. It was a perfect spring day…in February!

Thank you random stranger for the reminder to see the positive!

Some People Can’t Be Fixed

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Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one….but the light bulb really has to want to change!

This is a challenge for social workers and I would assume psychiatrists. As a social worker I am pretty sure if I find just the right solution, or the right service or the right placement, I can fix everyone. I can help each client find his/her path toward happiness.
If only each client would listen to my sage advice, s/he would no longer live at the shelter, or blow every penny received on crack cocaine or need the services of a social worker.

Sadly it doesn’t work that way and today I was reminded of that.
A client I have worked with for over a year finally went too far and we had to cut him loose.
This client went through several case workers before I came into his life…and the best I can tell he didn’t like any of them.
He has lived in many, many places since I have known him….and I happen to know for a fact that he has not liked any of the places.
This client struggles through every day. He struggles to find a purpose. He struggles to like himself. This client is angry, sad and full of hate.

We have discussed several times releasing him from the program. Usually after a phone call or visit that consists of name calling, threats and really ugly language. But my boss and I would look at his mental health issues and make excuses for him. We gave him 2nd, 3rd, 70th chances….until today. Our relationship finally came to an end.

I feel like a social work failure…because I couldn’t save him.
I feel relieved….because I no longer have to be subjected to his abusive language.
I feel angry…because he refused to see that others cared for his wellbeing.
I am frustrated….because he refused to accept responsibility for his own poor behavior.
I could dance the happy dance….because I no longer have to deal with his threats.
I feel sad…because he has no one.

Several hours before the blow up that ended our relationship, he and I discussed where he would want his ashes spread. Now my heart breaks for him….because he has no one to follow through on those wishes when the time comes.

Not everyone can be fixed. Not everyone wants to be fixed. Some people enjoy wallowing in the muck of life….and those of us that want to fix the light bulb must just step down off the ladder and wait for the light bulb to decide change is the only way they will ever shine!

FFftPP – The Baby

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Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner is a weekly writing challenge designed for both the flash fiction newbie and the more experienced writer. It is the desire of this challenge to allow writers the opportunity to clear the cobwebs from a more tedious and involved project. Becoming a part of a new and growing writer’s community might be just what the doctor ordered to rejuvenate your writing juices. – Roger Shipp

public-domain-images-free-stock-photos-shoes-walking-feet-grey-gravel--1000x666

Photo Prompt

Enough is enough

“It’s just a stone’s throw from Harvey’s Garage.” Stella said, as she twisted in her chair, “Why don’t you just get up early Saturday morning and go see him?”

“I’ve told you a thousand times, I ain’t gonna darken his door,” Tammy said, as she stepped from the porch onto the path.

“You know he meant no harm,” Stella said, as she watched Tammy walk away.

Tammy’s hand flew high above her head. She hoped the flick of her wrist would reinforce to Stella that she wanted nothing to do with the man that stole her baby.

Gene called through the screen door, “Was that Tammy I saw storming down the path?”

“Yes Daddy,” Stella called back.

“Is she still mad about the baby?”

“Yes Daddy,”

“Do ya think she’ll ever get over Mr. Carver buying that baby pig from her parents?”

Stella shook her head as she watched her friend fade into the woods, “I don’t know Daddy.”

(162 words)